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It took me a while to find a title for this article because today I want to talk about a topic that most men do not know they need.
But what I am going to tell you about today is what makes the difference between dating average girls and dating extra hot girls.
Today we are talking about frame control.
Quick definition: Frame Control is your ability to take and keep the control of a conversation.
Why should you care?
Because women find men with strong frame control EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE.
And they find men with a weak frame boring and bland.
In fact, I dare you to find a smoking hot girl who dates a guy with weak frame control.
Good frame control has women feel "okay, following this man's lead is safe and I can submit to him".
Weak frame control has women feel "this guy has no idea what he's doing, following his lead is dangerous for me".
If you've never heard about this concept before you MUST keep on reading.
This is more important than money, looks, status or literally anything else.
Let's dive in.
Frame Control is The Most Important Thing
So besides what I mentioned in the intro, frame control is actually very close to "being confident".
When women say they like confident men, what they truly mean is that they like men who can control the frame of an interaction.
Being confident is very vague, and you might think "oh so if I just believe in what I say women will like it" but no.
Confidence is a part of frame control but it's not the whole thing.
What Really Is Frame Control?
Frame control means not letting others lead you around.
It means being the one in control of your social interactions, and by extension your entire life.
A man who controls his own environment is extremely attractive to women.
You are the one leading the interactions you're in, and as a result they experience YOU.
And if that experience feels good then they like you more.
Huge emphasis on leading others to a positive experience. If you hold your frame in a way that feels bad to others you're basically an a-hole and nobody will like you. |
When you fall into somebody else's frame, then YOU experience them.
And that's cool sometimes, but if you want to seduce women THEY need to experience you.
So it's necessary for YOU to control the frame and not let them do it.
On a related note: it will be difficult for you to confidently assert your frame if you have self esteem troubles. See my inner game article here.
Holding Your Frame is NOT about 'Being Right"
When she's testing your frame there will be a bit of a 'frame battle'. That is to say she will say A and you will say B and one or the other is going to control the ensuing conversation.
It's not because she says "Your shirt is silly" very confidently and refuses to agree with you that "Your shirt is awesome" that she hates you or is not attracted to you, or that you are wrong and can't dress up.
It's just a frame battle.
It's not about being logical and figuring out the truth.
It's not about being combative and proving her wrong.
It's not about finding a middle ground and agreeing with her.
When flirting, the objective truth is irrelevant. Maybe your shirts is indeed horrible. But if you agree with her premise then you fall into her frame and you lose.
You just need to hold your ground and pass that test in a way that feels good to her.
If you take the example "Your shirt is silly":
A bad answer would be: "Well it's a gift so I wear it to make my sister happy."
A good answer would be: "Just stop looking at it then, I'm starting to feel like a sexy piece of meat to you."
With the bad answer you're agreeing with her and justifying yourself.
With the good answer you're ignoring her opinion to take control of the conversation, tease her and make the whole thing flirtatious.
There will be an explanation on how to hold your frame properly below, but I just wanted to give you an example now so you understand the overall vibe.
You should not be phased by women's frames and instead go and assert your own while making the whole interaction fun and engaging.
Women Test Men All the Time
Most women will test a guy's frame unconsciously (& you should never take it personally).
They will just more or less hold their own frame and look for the guys with a stronger frame. Usually the more demanded the woman is, the stronger her frame is.
And it makes sense because if she was hot but with a weak frame she'd spend all day all night going with every single guy who came up to her because of her looks.
Very hot girls are not standoffish bitches. They just have to have stronger frames for their own sakes.
There is a direct correlation between the 'hotness' of the girls you date and how strong your frame is.
(That's not the only factor, but it's certainly the most important one.)
Pass Women's Tests
Women test men's frames all the time to assess how attractive the guy is or isn't.
Show you have strong frame control, pass the tests and she likes you more.
Show you have weak frame control, fail the tests and she loses interest.
On a side note, I have noticed that younger guys usually have weaker frame control. It's normal as guys get more confident the more experienced they get.
Sometimes women will test you in ways that will feel very bitchy or mean.
That's why some people call these "shit tests", that is to say when women "give you shit" or "act difficult".
When you see this behavior you need to look past the bitchy front and think:
"Okay, now she's subconsciously testing me to assess how attractive I am"
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
It means you're on her radar and she considers you a potential date. The game is on.
Small nuance: not everything is a test. If she shows disrespect or clear signs of not being interested for example, you should hold your frame but also just move on. |
Get Along With Difficult Women
I actually love shit tests. At that point I've been with a lot of women and dating is a bit bland.
But then sometimes I meet a girl who plays hard to get and that makes the whole thing exciting.
That's really how you should see it. Because girls testing your frame and you passing these tests builds a ton of excitement and sexual tension.
Here's an example:
Most guys reaction to her question would be to give her a compliment.
In this case she is controlling the frame and the girl loses interest.
Instead what I did was to spin it on her and say that she was fishing for compliments in a joking way. I am controlling the frame. She likes it. She then strongly hints at the possibility of sex.
You can't get more textbook example than that lol.
Be A Proactive & Unapologetic Leader
Controlling the frame is not only about clever comebacks (more on that below).
It's mostly about leading your interactions with a firm hand to the outcome you want.
Holding Your Frame is a Filter
You need to be okay with the fact that leading and holding your frame will sometimes immediately get some women to reject you.
On the plus side, if a woman rejects you for controlling the frame, you would never have gotten with her anyway.
You're actually avoiding time wasters by having a strong frame.
If a woman finds you potentially attractive she WANTS you to be confident, to lead and to hold your frame.
You Must Be Proactive
If you're usually shy, reserved and passive you need to become more comfortable taking the lead.
And remember: leading does not mean being loud and extraverted.
You can lead in a relaxed way, you can lead in an intense way, it's irrelevant.
If you're subscribed to my email newsletter you know that: as long as you do the correct thing, then you can be yourself and do it your own way.
Just be yourself and lead in the manner that fits your personality as long as you proactively lead.
How to Control the Frame
When I first learned this I went through many blog articles and videos that made this concept extremely complex.
To make it simple: either you change topic or you agree and make the topic your own.
Take the screenshot I shared above for example:
Girl: "Rate how cute my dress is"
No frame control: "You're very sexy, I'd say 8/10. "
(Ugh, don't ever do that.)
If you change topic: "I thought you were a strong independent woman who does not need a man's approval".
If you make the topic your own: "It's hard for me to tell without touching the fabric".
Notice how not controlling the frame just falls flat. The conversation is dead at that point.
When you control the frame you are leading the conversation somewhere while keeping women confident in the fact you can handle her.
When you control the frame you keep the conversation fun and engaging.
Again, this is extremely attractive to women and that's the main way hot girls filter out losers.
So be a winner starting today and hold your frame properly from now on.
Control the Frame in a Way that Feels Good to Her
There are different ways you can control the frame that are attractive to women:
- You can playfully flip the script and say she wants you to like her
- You can lead closer to a date and say you need to be in person to answer
- You can get her to invest more in the conversation by making her talk about herself
That's a more advanced topic and you should click here to join the Mastermind group and learn more.
But bottom line, when you control the frame, do it in a way that serves the seduction process.
Hope that makes sense because it's a bit more of an advanced topic, but if you want to take your game to the next level, you need to know about frame control.
Take care out there!
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