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I'm a big fan of life-changing epiphanies.
Those "EUREKA!" moments about life and other huge existential questions.
And you should be too.
That's where real growth happens.
The best way I've ever found to get those life-changing thoughts was through reading books, and a lot of them.
So here it is, my 29 top dating books to change your life.
Consider those dating books the most relevant ones if you're a man looking to optimize everything related to his dating life.
Disclaimer: not all those books are about dating specifically.
But all those will help your dating life in one way or another.
Why?
Because all those books have something to teach you that will directly or indirectly:
Make your interactions with women easier.
Make you appear more attractive.
Change how you see life in a way that gets you more women.
I've separated all those books into different categories:
You can click on the category you're most interested in to directly start there.
I personally read all the books mentioned in this article, and this is my hands-on experience, as well as my biggest takeaways.
Don't hesitate to go pick up those books for yourself if you find them interesting.
Entrepreneurship & Financial Freedom
Did you know that the world's top CEOs read on average 60 books a year?
Yup, that's 5 books a month.
How can they manage to read that much in a month then?
They learned to optimize their time and efforts.
And this is what most business and financial freedom books will teach you.
And you can very well apply that to your interactions with women, for example:
To meet more women with less effort.
To focus on what works and discard what does not.
To qualify the women you meet and focus on those who really want you.
Let's get to it.
The 10X Rule - Grant Cardone
Let's start off strong with a very powerful book from what you could call an insane man.
The 10X Rule is one of my favorite books of the year and I can't believe I didn't read it earlier.
Why does it earn itself a place as a top dating book?
Because the 10X applies to everything baby.
It works for sales, business, marketing, friends, relationships, network opportunities, applying for a job...
And of course, dating.
You've heard it before, dating is a numbers game.
And if you start applying the principles from The 10X Rule you will see your life going from mediocre dating results to better results than 95% of the male population in weeks.
Where most men approach 1 to 3 women on a night out, get rejected, and call it a day, you will do differently.
This book will motivate you first, and then tell you how to do 10 times more than anyone else, to become a top performer in any area.
Seriously, go read that book.
Relentless - Tim S. Grover
A lot of being an entrepreneur is about being Relentless.
Hence the title of the book, and why it earned itself a place among my top dating books.
Because, look, it's not all about pickup lines and techniques (far from it).
Those help, but they are just the icing on top of the cake.
Having a proper mindset, awakening your killer instinct is what will drive you to good results.
This is the solid foundation that you need.
And once you've got good results, being truly Relentless is what will get you to greatness.
No doubts.
No limiting beliefs and emotions.
All about doing all that you possibly can to get what you desire.
Through the stories shared by the personal coach of world-class NBA athletes, the author tells what it is that makes the world's top performers different from the masses.
And you know you could use a little bit more of being Relentless when meeting women.
The 4-hour Workweek - Timothy Ferris
Eye-opening book on how little it’s possible to work while still making big money.
It's all about midset shifts:
How you can make more money, with less effort, and achieve financial freedom.
Though this book won’t make you rich, it will help you work less if you already have some money.
Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill
A very dense book telling the success stories of cunning minds.
It draws out principles that need to be there for anyone willing to become rich.
It's a lot of habits and mindset shifts that you may or may not know.
But once put together, those will help you go in the direction of money.
The Lean Startup - Eric Ries
This book describes quite well how to build a company from scratch.
At least in terms of mindsets and objectives.
This book won’t tell you how to create money out of thin air.
But it will tell you how to minimize time wasted and money lost while figuring out how you can monetize your dreams.
A must-read for complete beginners when it comes to startups and entrepreneurship.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad - Robert Kiyosaki
Amazing book, a must-read for anyone coming from a lower/middle-class background just like myself.
Learn the best mindsets when it comes to money, how it gets created, and what can create a lot of it with the least effort.
If you always thought that working harder was the way to being financially successful, well this book will make you think again.
There is a before and an after reading this book.
This book will erase most of the limiting mindsets that prevent you from actually getting rich.
It's funny because a lot of those money-making principles also apply to dating, hence why a place in my top dating books.
How to Master the Art of Selling - Tom Hopkins
Very interesting read on how to become a better salesman, or in other words, how to convince people that you are what they need.
Sales and seduction are closely linked: getting better at one always made me better at the other.
In this book, you will find sales techniques, objection overcoming techniques, ways to show people that your ideas are exactly what they need, and general mindsets that will make you love (good) salespeople.
Recommended if your life is about selling anything and if you're having trouble sharing value with people in general.
Money: Master the Game - Tony Robbins
I mostly read this one to say I read some of Tony Robbins’ work.
It’s great, but Rich Dad, Poor Dad is a more approachable version of that topic in my opinion.
It covers the same topics and tells the story of a few people who made it and made it really, really big.
If that’s your goal you might find it worth it.
The 80/20 Principle - Richard Koch
Some call it Pareto's Law, it's the idea that 80% of the outcomes originate from 20% of the causes.
It's not always 80/20 in practice, but remember that it's always:
A relatively small amount of your efforts will yield most of your results.
Roughly 80% of sales come from roughly 20% of clients.
Roughly 80% of profits come from roughly 20 % of products or services.
Roughly 80% of meeting decisions are made in roughly 20% of the time.
And this doesn't only apply to business:
Most crimes are committed by a small fraction of criminals.
Most of the work is done by a small fraction of employees.
Most of the world's pollution comes from a small fraction of the factories.
Most of the world's wealth is in the hands of a small fraction of the population.
Most of the good grades are obtained by a small group of students.
In terms of being a top dating book, this will help you understand that:
20% of your online dating matches will get you 80% of your Tinder dates.
20% of the phone numbers you get will transform into 80% of your dates.
20% of the efforts you do to improve your dating life will get you 80% of your results.
20% of your successful dates will make up 80% of your relationships.
20% of all men get with 80% of all women.
Biggest takeaway: you can't win 100% of the time, double down on the winning 20%.
The prosperous Coach - S. Chandler and R. Litvin
So yes I picked up that book because I'm a coach and it's probably not relevant to most of you guys.
That said, I figured it gave good insights on getting inside the mind of the people you’re serving and digging deep to bring out life-changing results for them.
I really like how it focuses on pinning down exactly what it is that holds a person down.
This is relevant when for example you need to convince someone or overcome objections.
Recommended if you’re a coach, a teacher, or helping people get more out of life in any way.
Spirituality
Let's not dive too deep into the woo-woo stuff.
But still, I really encourage you to at least keep an open mind about spirituality and meditation.
I'm a strong believer that most of the pain in this world comes from people who refuse to look inward, and who refuse to live in the present moment.
People are literally driven by their fears and biological needs.
Spirituality aims to control that, and being able to distance yourself from your daily stress and worries really help in thinking outside the box.
And when meeting women it means:
Being more confident and less insecure.
Being able to improvise and go with the flow.
Being a more enjoyable person to hang out with.
The power of Now - Eckhart Tolle.
I'm not that much of a spiritual guy but I really recommend that you grab at least this book if you must pick only one about meditation and spirituality.
If you are:
Sad and stressed.
Burdened by a conflicted past and dreading a grim future.
Lost and confused, constantly worried.
This book will completely change your life and the way you deal with difficulties.
Imagine sitting in front of a green tree whose branches are slowly moving to the wind.
You're complete, happy.
Nothing else matters in this very moment, and you're just present.
This book will help you appreciate that present moment (provided you're willing).
It's a guide for day-to-day living and the importance of living in the present moment while transcending thoughts of the past or future.
Simply put: your life will be better if you read this book.
A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle
Following and expanding the ideas of the Power of Now and how the human nature and ego prevent people from being truly enlightened.
Again, this ranks in my top dating books because of all the positive (although indirect) effects this will have on you when dating and meeting women.
Fewer worries.
More enjoyable interactions and relationships.
Better ability to share a great time with the people around you.
If you liked The Power of Now, this book will help you further appreciate the present moment on a more practical level, and keep your mind away from your past or future worries.
I recommend the audiobook version, directly narrated by the author himself - his voice alone is guided meditation material.
Mastering your Emotions & Staying Motivated
In case you didn't know yet, emotions are overrated.
Most of what is holding you down on your dating journey can be assimilated into 2 things:
You're either scared to screw up or be hurt.
Or you don't know what to do and you're afraid to be annoying.
By mastering your emotions you will be able to erase those 2 problems.
Because let's be real, we're humans, and sometimes we feel scared, hurt, emotional, etc.
But the good thing is that you can control that (in my opinion, this is what it is to "be an adult").
Now, nobody teaches that anymore, and with the way the world is going, emotions and feelings are becoming sacred things that need to be pampered instead of controlled.
Let me tell you right now:
If you try to get great dating results, you are going to go through tough and emotional moments.
But those will get you to grow, improve, adapt and overcome.
Because by reading the books below you will be able to control your emotions, instead of letting them control you.
Ego is the Enemy - Ryan Holiday
If you are not getting great results with women (or anything else) but you feel that you should be getting results, it's most likely an ego issue.
If you feel that you are doing all that's in your power, have read all the material in the world, but yet don't get the results, you want to read this book.
Having an ego used to be a huge issue for me, and I know it is for most of the guys I coach as well.
Especially good-looking guys, who should have dating easy, but actually don't.
Not a dating book per se, but it will open your eyes to how bad and harmful having an ego is.
So that you can transform that little negative voice inside into actual, rock-solid confidence.
The Obstacle is the Way - Ryan Holiday
Finding life too difficult?
Need a kick in the butt?
If you feel that success lies behind an indestructible wall, this book will show you how wrong you are.
Main takeaway that earned that book a place in this top dating books article:
The conscious choice to always chose the hard path is where growth lies.
When it comes to dating, it means that:
Approaching intimidating women is where you will learn most.
Forcing yourself to go out and meet people is what you need.
Pushing through negative emotions and rejections builds your confidence.
No More Mr. Nice Guy - Robert Glover
Dedicated to every "nice guy" ever, this is another dating book that personally helped me a lot.
It is for you if you are used to people telling you that you're "too nice".
This book helps in uprooting behaviors that always made you put others' needs above yours.
If you often end up in the friendzone or have people abuse your good-hearted nature, this book is a must-read.
Mastery - Robert Greene
Like most of Robert Greene's books, this is a very dense one.
I consider it a top dating book because when you're serious about getting with the best women in the world and becoming a top guy, you need to master the Game.
And this book explains exactly how to have the right mindset to become a master at anything, and that includes dating.
The book does that by sharing stories of people who became extremely good at their craft by focusing on mastering it.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
The good thing about our century is that all the information you need is available 5 mouse clicks away.
Sit on the shoulders of giants that came before you, you don't have to figure the path to success by yourself.
Copy what works and make it yours.
This book will help you to do so, starting with the habits that successful people all have (and that you need to have).
It's an easy read and goes in-depth on the most useful habits that make someone highly effective.
A top dating book since those habits will push you to attract more women of a higher caliber.
The Willpower Instinct - Kelly McGonigal Ph.D.
Based on a wildly popular Stanford University psychologist’s course, this book explains the science behind motivation, willpower, and self-control.
Obviously, a book about willpower is a top dating book.
Because the more willpower you have, the more you will be able to
Stretch your comfort zone.
Handle tense social situations.
Push through approach anxiety.
Willpower and temptation are dictated by a mind-body response, not your virtue, and you can voluntarily increase or decrease your levels of motivation.
Provided that you understand how to.
If you’re looking to push yourself to do more (which you should), understanding what creates motivation on a biochemical level is extremely useful.
Power VS Force - David R. Hawkins
I wanted to put this one in the Entrepreneurship category, but it is better fitted as a "mastering yourself" read.
This is a top dating book especially because it's very difficult to focus on the right things when dating.
So many emotions and limiting beliefs can get in the way:
"I don't get many matches on dating apps, therefore I must play it safe."
"It is so hard for me to approach women, therefore I must try hard when I finally push through approach anxiety."
"This is the only girl who showed me attention this week, I will let it slide when she insults me, it's not a big deal."
No, no, no.
What this book teaches you in terms of dating is that instead of trying hard, you can try smart.
Instead of pushing through with brute force, you want to act with power.
Remember The 80/20 Principle?
Acting with power instead of force means focusing on that 20% that gets 80% of the results.
Instead of trying to change the world to fit you with force, you want to change yourself to have power over the world.
For example:
Why be upset that women like high-status men? Become high-status yourself and win.
Why be upset that women can get male attention easily? Focus on something more useful to you.
Why be upset that other men try to seduce your girlfriend? Become secure and high-value enough that she won't ever think about leaving you.
It's about going with the flow and finding the shortest, most efficient path to your objectives.
By the way: This doesn't mean you should lie to get by easily. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass, it's harder to keep lies alive than it is to live an honest life. |
Instead of hitting walls, slowly hoping to break through, be like water and fit in through the cracks.
Human Nature & Social Power
The 48 laws of power - Robert Greene
Very Machiavellian in a very practical and down-to-earth way.
This book is eye-opening regarding human nature, interactions, value exchange and generally, power over others.
A top dating book because you will learn what the highest quality women (and men) really react well to.
Don't be naïve, those with the most power still have more control over their lives and those of others.
It just transitioned from whoever had the biggest club, in cavemen times, to more modern laws of power, which are explained in this book.
If you think life is beautiful and fair, think again (and buy this book).
You will learn that people are all selfish, that all they do is done to ensure their own profit and survival, and that it's okay.
Only once you see the world for what it truly is you can truly play.
It's hard to talk about this book and make it sound great and positive.
Most of the laws of power are literally apparent everywhere, but taboo and therefore disguised to "feel good".
For example, laws like the one stating you should not surpass "your master" or else they'd lose face and get back at you.
This is the reason why, in practice, people feel forced to be nice to whoever is above in the hierarchy.
Because if one makes their boss mad, they will get fired first next time employees are laid off.
While this is not something that you can really talk about in public, this is definitely what reality is like.
And that goes for the other 47 laws of power in this book.
Very red-pilled, very down-to-earth, definitely eye-opening.
12 Rules for Life - Jordan Peterson
Halfway between mastering your emotions and understanding social dynamics, it's definitely a top dating book.
If you're lost and confused, or if you never had a strong "life mentor" growing up, those 12 rules are sure to put things back into perspective for you.
It is my favorite book of the year 2022, especially in those days of social justice and #metoo movement.
Game, Pickup Artistry and Social Interactions
How to talk to anyone - Leil Lowndes
While not being mind-blowing, this book gives a few good insights on how to do just what the title says, talk to anyone, on a practical and actionable level.
Start conversations and keep them alive, in a lot of cases this is all you need to do and that's why this is a top dating book for me.
Hey, listen. You could also sign up for coaching with me, being able to never run out of things to say is one of the main focuses of my Transformation Program! |
The Game - Neil Strauss
The very romanticized version of the events that gave birth to the whole PUA pick-up artists movement.
This book is so mainstream that you cannot do a list of the top dating books without mentioning it.
This book made picking up women a worldwide phenomenon, and I would probably not be where I am right now if I never read it.
Don't expect this book to teach you much in terms of success with women.
But if you’re interested in how the whole “success with women” and pickup artists trend started, you might want to give it a shot as it’s a good and entertaining read.
I actually made a video of Neil Strauss (the author) breaking down his interaction when he picks up Jessica Alba on Live TV.
Go have a look if you want to watch old-school PUA techniques at work.
The Mystery Method - Erik von Markovik (aka Mystery)
This book was the first popular book to lay down how it is to seduce girls, and if you had only one to read it should be that one.
Everyone teaching success with women is using techniques that are in one way or another described in this book, repackaged in a more modern or politically correct way.
I read it quite late in my life but it is still an amazing analysis of what women respond well to, how to spark attraction and how to get good with women in general.
You will make the best use of this book if you're a regular guy who wants to be able to hook up with hot women, especially those you meet in nightclubs and bars.
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
A great book that delivers on what the title promises.
Definitely one of my favorites on this top dating book list.
If you're having trouble relating and bonding with others, as well as creating relationships, this is the book you need.
The main idea is that people will give you what you want if you give them what they want.
In other words, by "sharing value" you will win friends and influence people.
And this book explains to you exactly how to do just that.
Models - Mark Manson
To me, this book felt like the “modern and politically correct” version of the Mystery Method.
Recommended read if you’re a shy-to-average guy trying to wrap your head around dating without becoming crazy.
The best takeaways from this book:
Stop giving a fuck about what other people think of you.
Being rejected is okay, it simply means you weren't meant for each other.
Just go talk to women you find attractive, it really isn't a big deal.
And I can relate to all those parts.
If you’re a more advanced guy though, you will not find much value in it.
Modern World Dating - me
What kind of a dating coach would I be if I didn't have a book to my name?!
I wrote Modern World Dating as a condensed of all that you need to know about dating in 202X.
The goal was to make it a complete overview of what it is to date in our smartphone/social media era.
The book covers:
Real-life dating
Online dating
Social media optimization
Social circle dating
Basically, all the ways you could meet women, with screenshot examples and hand-picked photos to illustrate my points.
Because let's be honest, at one point or another you will have to text her.
And if your text game is terrible, this would ruin an otherwise great interaction.
So make sure you know how to date in the digital era and grab your copy of Modern World Dating here.
Fitness & Nutrition
Bigger Leaner Stronger - Michael Matthews
While a bit dense and heavy to apply, I consider this book the bible of “getting in shape”.
Everything you need to know about muscle building, fat cutting, nutrition, gym routines, motivation, etc, is in there.
The only drawback is that there is so much information that you might feel overwhelmed.
But again, everything you ever need to know on the topic is in this book.
This is a top dating book because improving your fitness is definitely helpful when dating.
And this book has it all, the science, the facts, and everything - all in a single place.
How Not to Die - Dr. Michael Greger
Another very dense book (but I guess this is what health needs) about nutrition in general.
Why is this a top dating book?
Because being and feeling better will have direct positive effects on you when meeting women.
More energy, a better mood, a faster thinking brain, what not to like?
It means:
Being able to socialize longer and more often.
Controlling your mood better and appearing more confident.
Being quick on your feet, quicker and wittier than your competition.
And also, as the title suggests, it will tell you how not to poison yourself with the food you eat.
So that you can live a longer, healthier life.
Relationships
More than Two - F. Veaux and E. Rickert
As the title suggests, there are many ways to do long-term relationships that involve more than two.
Often, many would like to try but things get in the way.
What of jealousy?
What if my partner meets someone they prefer over me?
What will others say?
And many, many other logistical problems.
This book will explain to you that being non-exclusive is possible, how to make it happen and how to maintain such relationships.
If you have issues with jealousy, but still would love to date multiple women at the same time and have it be fair, this is the book you need.
Every time I start seriously dating a new girl and she finds non-monogamy disgusting, I make sure to gift her this book.
Main takeaway: polyamory is awesome.
Books Help you Keep an Open Mind
Many of my biggest breakthroughs in terms of dating, but also as a man in general, were provoked by a book I read.
You now have a solid list of self-improvement and dating books to change your life, put it to good use.
Remember that every time you want to get to the next level you must operate on a different level.
And books are great food for thoughts to kickstart this new way to operate.
Personally, I use Audible and just plug my earphones every time I go to the gym, it makes going through audiobooks a breeze.
(Hopefully this gets me sponsored by Audible!)
If you found a book that you really like, why don't you join our community?
It's a community of guys working on improving their dating lives. We share dating advice, experiences and push each other up!
As for me, I'll keep updating this article as I read new interesting books.
Talk soon!
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