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Long time no see...
In fact I stopped writing articles for a while because for the longest time I've been torn between doing "popular, SEO oriented" content and writing what's truly on my mind.
But I've come around to writing what I believe is the truth about dating - the truth you don't want to hear but that you need to know, and might want to read in a blog article.
You can read a lot online about seduction techniques and mind games to get girls to chase you, yadayada. But in truth, being straightforward works way better.
Provided it's done correctly.
In this article you will learn about:
How to get girls by being straightforward
Why pickup techniques barely work
What actually matters to get girls
To illustrate that today I am also sharing how I slept with an escort for free.
Read on...
How to Get Girls by Being Straightforward
I want to share about my interaction with the woman I talked about in the intro.
She is very pretty and she knows it, so she sleeps with men for money. But why did she do it with me for free? I went on to figure out.
Once we were done with the funny business, laying on the bed, I told her:
"I know you had a date yesterday, I saw you in a restaurant with a guy on your IG story."
Then she told me it was a client of hers. That he treated her to a restaurant before going home and paying her to have sex with him. That it was the way he would usually get with women.
Mind you, the guy is not bad looking and took her to a very expensive place. Unfortunately for him, he needs to pay to get women's interest.
Then we talked about the way we met - it was the most basic street game interaction. And on top of that it was pretty short. But she told me that I was very straightforward and that she never has guys do that with her, so she got hooked.
Now keep in mind that being straightforward is not enough - far from that. She also said she liked my face (aka I was her type physically) and she found me attractive in general (aka my sub-communication was on point).
She told me that guys usually approach her and most of the time she's not interested so she dismisses them. But that she makes exceptions when she likes the guy. Nothing new under the sun.
But being straightforward is what made the difference in me paying VS me not paying for her time.
Be Straightforward the Right Way
What do I mean by being straightforward?
It's a mix of leading and screening girls, and not being afraid to figure out whether you should walk away.
Lead, Lead, Lead
First thing I asked her after saying hello was that she was very pretty, and that I needed to ask whether she was a sex worker (I met her in an area in my city that's pretty infamous for that...).
Do you know many guys who would have the balls to ask that to a girl they don't know? She sure did not. That set me apart. But it was not a technique. I genuinely wanted to know whether or not talking to her was pointless since I refuse to pay for sex as a principle.
In that sense, I was leading the interaction to the outcome I wanted running the risk to get rejected because of it. If you can do that, it is an honest signal that you are an attractive man with options.
Because you don't give a fuck whether or not she rejects you, your goal is more important than getting random women to validate you.
Besides that, like all hot girls, she was very flaky over texts.
It was not simple to get her out (or rather to get me invited over to her house lol).
We had to reschedule twice.
I had to follow up on her "I will let you know later" (girls never let you know later).
I had to hit her with the "I don't mean to be pushy but if you're not interested I will just move on" after the second time she disappeared.
It might seem like a lot of work but in truth it isn't - sending a text takes 2 minutes.
Being emotionally invested over a girl though, THAT is draining.
And that's why you can't be too invested in women. You need to be able to walk away anytime - and she needs to know it.
Show her you Can Walk Away
Being able to walk away is not the same as not caring. It's easy to cope with the uncertainty of dating by disengaging emotionally. But I found that when you disengage, you also become unable to lead properly.
If you truly "don't care" then you don't care about closing her and you lose girls because you don't lead hard enough. So that's bad.
The solution is to be 100% invested in making it work and 0% invested in getting a result out of it.
You will do what you need to do, but you don't expect any kind of result.
Take this as your new life rule: figuring out whether you should walk away is your burden as a man. And risking rejection is the only way of finding out.
It's actually very attractive for women to be talking to a man who might just leave if she says something stupid. It keeps her on her toes. Of course, for her to even care she needs to be attracted to you.
But that's another topic, we go in depth on this in the Mastermind group.
Being straightforward with women works because it shows them you get to the point. You are not afraid to get rejected. You are here on a mission, and if she doesn't comply she will lose you. She loses her bargaining chips when she knows you can walk out.
If she likes you, she does not want to lose your attention.
If you lead hard and straight to the point, she will not play games because she knows you will not stand for it.
By asking screening questions that may qualify or disqualify her as a potential date partner, first you make sure you get what you want, but it also increases your perceived value in her eyes.
Of course you can't do any of that if you are in a scarcity mindset. Unfortunately, pickup techniques usually mask scarcity and neediness and they just try to emulate the behavior of a guy who doesn't care.
Why Pickup Techniques Barely Work
Most of the "pickup dating advice" as it is known in the mainstream now comes from the stories from the book The Game that Neil Strauss wrote over 20 years ago now.
At the time, about everyone involved in these stories was young, had things to prove and was to some degree sexually frustrated. In other words, none of these guys were cool and attractive guys. They were not naturals.
Pickup Techniques are Fake
They were nerdy to average guys who wanted girls like the cool guys had. So they figured ways to emulate the behaviors of cool guys.
Routines stories to sound like you have an interesting life and personality? Check.
Peacocking to get noticed even when you don't have any charisma? Check.
Push/pull techniques to have girls think you don't care? Check.
But then what happens and what still happens to this day to guys who use pickup techniques is that 1. the girls see through it past the first few dates and dump the guy and 2. those pickup guys are in a constant state of fighting their imposter syndrome and spend an enormous amount of energy fighting the neediness that comes with it.
You can't truly walk away from a girl if you know deep down you can't get a girl like her without faking it. You will always be trying to get her approval if you think she's out of your reach. Been there, done that.
Control What you Can Control
When you don't care about losing a girl because she was a bad fit, it's just that. A bad fit. And you move on with you life.
Of course you should optimize what you can optimize and make sure you don't make mistakes. Control all that is within your control. Improve yourself, have better verbal game, etc.
But faking the behavior of a cool guy is a lazy attempt at that. Do your best at all times to be the best version of yourself possible, then introduce that to women as you keep working on yourself.
Even if you are a work in progress, at least this will erase neediness from your life. Do your best with the best you have without faking it.
Not spending so much time faking being cool with techniques will also keep you in the game in the long run. It's not a mystery why all the old school pickup artists now all preach working on yourself and going to the gym on top of learning social skills.
What Actually Matters to Get Girls
In short it's 2 things: improving your SMV (sexual market value) and improving your communication skills.
The same way a brand that wants to sell a product works on their marketing and their sales skills. Your SMV is your marketing, your social skills is your sales. You are the product. Market yourself, then sell yourself effectively.
Why Most Guys Can't Get Girls
The answer is pretty simple: most guys ignore their personal marketing and sales.
I'm sure you know guys who go to the gym a lot, make a lot of money and who can't talk to a girl to save their lives. After trying very hard they sometimes get a great girlfriend and usually act extremely needy to keep her around. Great marketing, terrible sales skills.
I'm also sure you know guys who are charismatic and confident, but who are essentially lazy bums. They do get laid more than the average guy, but not with great girls. Great sales skills, terrible marketing.
And of course there are guys who have no marketing and no sales skills. I think you can push the metaphor and guess the results they get.
Improve your SMV and your social skills and you will get a great dating life filled with many women.
The Most Important Things to Get Women
Improving your SMV is one thing and that's pretty easy to understand because it is a mainstream thing to do :
Go to the gym
Make good money
Have an interesting life
Be a sociable person
Now that I think of it, it's basically what you want to display on a Tinder profile. No wonder. It's the external superficial signs that you are an attractive man. But they matter. It's your marketing.
What is harder to see and even more difficult to learn about are the social skills:
Leading your interactions to a close
Knowing when to walk away
Controlling your body language
Understanding subtle social cues and signs of (dis)interest
All these things are by the way explained in great details in the Mastermind group. So if you want to learn, go check it out.
Also, if you want to dig deeper and understand the structure of seduction, check out my free Stranger to Lover guide here.
Hope this article was helpful to you. Take care out there. Cheers
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